When I was first contacted by Eddie V, I was ecstatic. I assumed that my many demo tapes had made it through his brick wall of a brother, Alex, and eVan Halen would rise over rockdom like a volcanic ash cloud over the UK. My hopes were quickly dashed when I read beyond the opening greeting and figured out he was not Eddie Van Halen, but was literally just Eddie V. What’s got two thumbs, red leather pants and a look of disappointment? This guy…

Still, I wanted the gig because I had always wanted any sort of job that could legitimately be called a gig. Plus, I love movies. I graciously accepted the position after being denied a lock of Wolfgang Van Halen’s hair and quickly checked AMJ’s Cinemira for a movie to review. When I found out I was joining the week after The Lovely Bones was available and would not be able to write about the film, I was not thrilled. I considered creating a new demo tape for Evanescence but decided to take the job and write about Crazy Heart. In the back of my mind, however I knew this day would come…

The Lovely Bones is an ambitious film with a great story and a wonderful cast and I say this even though Mark Wahlberg is in it. Peter Jackson deserves credit for taking on this story and Mark Wahlberg as many of the fantasy elements from the both the book and Wahlberg’s persona would be difficult for other directors to pull off (what’s up M. Night?). Being a master of fantasy he handles it as well as anyone, but it has some issues which detract mightily from its final score. More on that in a minute.

Stanley Tucci delivers an amazing, solidly creepy performance that will have you squirming in your seat. He is so good it makes you nervous about your neighbors. I was in awe of his ability to become the character so completely. How can someone that twisted blend in so seamlessly with society?

Susan Sarandon, Rachel Weisz and Saoirse Ronan round out the impressive, pedigreed cast and they do not disappoint. You shouldn’t have any complaints as far as the abilities of the actors and their willingness to deliver the goods.

What you may complain about are the many fantasy interludes that are in the film. They break up the flow of the movie and about a third of the way through I was fed up with them. I found myself spacing out, thinking of Wahlberg telling a Tucci-faced donkey “say hi to your mother for me,” over and over. The majority of these scenes should have been left on the cutting room floor.

Believe it or not, there is too much of the book in the film, and many aspects of it do not translate. Jackson’s meticulous treatment of Tolkien’s work was a confirmed triumph but The Lovely Bones, while not a failure, never reaches similar heights. 2 stars.

When I first saw the trailer for Legion I was giddy with glee. I loves me some angel movies. Just thinking about battles between angels and humans, God’s fiery wrath, possibly a Jesus cameo (OMG) made me damp with anticipation. I sat down with some Sour Patch Kids, a gallon of Sprite and a bible in case sh*t got real and dove in.

The movie started out incredibly well, was extremely atmospheric and really ratcheted up the tension quickly. The main set, a diner, was a cool little spot for the film. There are some good actors in this, from Dennis Quaid to a new-to-me Tyrese Gibson. Dennis was in fine form as always (let us not speak of Cold Creek Manor), but to me the one with the most star power was Mr. Gibson. He just has that certain something and I would like to see more of him. The rest of the actors fill their roles nicely, in particular the old woman in the beginning – such a sweetie!

The story, however, is a bit of a letdown because it feels like it was created from a beefaroni-stained Mad Libs found in a garbage can. The angel angle was most assuredly just a device to deliver yet another zombie movie. Don’t get me wrong, I like zombie movies but I felt cheated slightly when I realized that was all it was about. The trailer rocked so I expected more going in. I should know better and remember that trailers should not be trusted. They show you one movie in the trailer and deliver something completely different sometimes. I remember one trailer that seemed to describe a modern day Great Escape. That movie was Brokeback Mountain…

There are a few action sequences that are adrenaline pumpers but won’t make you forget Avatar. The special effects are pretty good and the monsters and angels are suitably both scary and otherworldly. I didn’t get the sense they skimped here and it works.

Legion is a solid zombie action movie with some blood, a few scares and possibly a breakout actor in Tyrese Gibson. You could do a lot worse in a Friday night video store when all the copies of  Avatar are gone than renting this flick on iTunes: 2 stars.

Evan: “I don’t want to review this movie.”
Apple Movie Junkie Honcho: “You owe us 150 words.”
Evan: “But Leap Year was inane.”
AMJH: “143 to go, muchacho.”
Evan: “I’m not French, I told you.”
AMJH: “Tell me this: was there overt sexual tension between the leads, à la Ellen and Simon?
Evan: “Actually, there was no spark between the costars, Amy Adams and Matthew Goode. What is that purring sound?”
AMJH: “Nothing. What are you wearing?”
Evan: “Two piece. Wait -.”
AMJH: “Forget about that. How was the irascible John Lithgow?”
Evan: “Blink and you’ll miss him. I think he owed someone a favor to take this thankless, worthless role.”
AMJH: “What about the locale?”
Evan: “They made Ireland look like an Irish Spring commercial shot in Baghdad.”
AMJH: “Ouch.”
Evan: “It’s a shame really because there was a smidgen of an idea here. Sandra Bullock might have made it a little better.”
AMJH: “Interesting, because you are a huge fan of romantic comedies like The Proposal, so why not this one?”
Evan: “The reason for going to Ireland was thin at best, the boyfriend was unlikable from the start, the music was ripped from my Mom’s Zune and – what is that sound?”
?: “He can hear us.”
Evan: “Who’s that?”
AMJH: “No one. Would anyone like this movie?”
Evan: “Sure. It’s harmless enough. A decent rental if you have low expectations. The aggravating thing is it could have been better. The bones of a better movie exist under the stinking carcass of John Lithgow’s career. Amy Adams isn’t charming enough, the accents aren’t Irish enough and the use of Ireland as a comedic locale is wasted. It does improve some in the second half, there is some romance and they make a cute, if non-sexual, couple. It’s all just OK which is the worst you can say about a movie. If you are looking for a cookie cutter rom-com then step right up – this will fit the bill.”
AMJH: “Was anything good about it?
Evan: “The fact that it ended. 2 stars.”

It’s Complicated stars a slumming Meryl Streep as a divorced mother of three who begins an affair with her ex-husband, the underrated Alec Baldwin. I call it an affair because she is simultaneously dating Steve Martin, so in the minds of newly minted movie reviewers everywhere she is kind of, how do you say, loose with her morals. The rest of the movie is spent trying to figure out who Meryl will end up with and for the most part you enjoy the trip.

The acting overall is at a pretty high level. Streep delivers a workmanlike performance – solid if uninspiring. She was much more inspired in Mamma Mia! Baldwin chews up each scene he is in so completely it’s as if the script was covered in mayonnaise. Please treasure his acting, if not his parenting skills. I could talk about Steve Martin here but I found him to be kind of a blah character. He does have one amusing scene involving some recreational activities but I leave that to you to discover.

Meryl’s kids are so boring I question if Nancy Meyers has even met a child. The Office’s John Krasinski stands out as the son-in-law with some very funny scenes. He is starting to come off a little Pacino for me, though, very one note in his performances. I’m not sure if he is acting or just being himself – hence the sameness of it all.

Overall, the movie moves pretty briskly from setup to setup and Nancy Meyers continues to show a deft hand for the written word, as the dialogue (except the children’s) is as sharp as Alec Baldwin’s hatred for his ex-wife.

Survey Says – 2.5 stars

I know, I know. You’re at home with iTunes open, ready to click the link to get this movie and your thinking – this guy is really funny and the movie sounds great, but what is this half star malarkey? I agree; the half star is one of this country’s worst gifts to cinema. But the movie is only OK. It’s not great. So why did I throw in a half star? The house. The house used for the film is amazing. Everyone from my Mom to my wife to my parole officer loved it and wanted to move in immediately.

Note: I promise to not abuse the half star in the future. Unless the movie has a beautiful house. Or unicorns.

My name is Evan Buxton and I shall be your movie reviewer. You can trust 50.4% of what I tell you. The other 50.6% is only partly true. When I’m not figuring out difficult percentages I write movie reviews.

Crazy Heart

Crazy Heart stars a low-key Jeff Bridges strumming and squinting his way through existence as a quasi-famous blues musician. He travels the road from dust bowl to dust bowl, quaffing booze, bedding rum soaked grandmothers (except the smoke show in Albuquerque) and generally just barely getting by. He is basically Mickey Rourke from The Wrestler with a guitar instead of wristbands loaded with razorblades. He has that same grim determination, driving city to city, delivering what the fans want, what they are demanding from him – even as it is slowly killing him.

During the opening scenes we see him singing on stage and working the crowds and it is obvious the man still has talent – but the booze has a velvety grip on him. His words are slurred, he has trouble walking and he is barely keeping it together. He will always remember the fans, however, both names and favorite songs. The man is a true professional.

At one of his ‘tour’ stops he is asked to help out and give his piano player’s niece an interview. Enter Maggie Gyllenhaal! This weird little chick has a sensuality that cannot be explained. I would not be surprised if she is a vampire or a Libertarian. There is no other way to explain her effect onscreen. For being so numbingly plain she certainly can make broad and bony shoulders seem naughty.

Cue forbidden love affair (forbidden because she looks 25 and he looks 65), Hollywood-style, saw-it-coming-from-a-mile-away third act drama and what do you have? A movie missing one thing: Colin Farrell.

Well, Britney – your prayers have been answered. Colin Farrell is in the movie and does a good job for a formerly washed up actor. Keep in mind that Eddie Murphy still holds the title for James ‘Thunder’ Early in Dreamgirls. And bonus points for the nickname.

The last 1/3 of the movie drags a little bit for me but it all gets wrapped up in a nice little bow. Keep in mind I have skipped major portions like his sex change etc – just kidding.

Survey Says – 3 stars
See this movie, buy the soundtrack and get some bleach to wash the image of Maggie and Jeff spooning out of your eyes.

Note: The above mentioned percentage total of 101% was intentionally incorrect.

On Wednesday Apple introduced iTunes Extra for movies in the iTunes Movie Store. iTunes Extras for Movies are basically the equivalent of the extra content you might find on a DVD or Blu-ray disc. Up to this point movies purchased through the iTunes Store or the Apple TV did not come with extra content, a shortcoming which opponents of the iTunes Movie Store brought up as a negative when choosing between traditional media or iTunes digital downloads. Apple is initially offering only 14 titles with this extra content and 4 of them are pre-order. (Screen Shots Below)

One aspect of these iTunes Extra Movies which Apple TV users will notice right off the bat is that this Extra content is only viewable on a Mac or PC with iTunes 9 installed. Apple TV users seem to be left out of this initial launch. This hopefully means an update to the Apple TV in the near future which enables the play of this new content. The second catch to these iTunes Extras is that they are available only if you purchase the content, rentals do not contain the extras. For Iron Man, the size of the Extra content download was 687 MB, a fact which is also not listed on the movies iTunes page.
Continue Reading »