Again, don’t forget, this is an alpha product. If you have any problems, feedback would be appreciated. Thanks!

Written/directed by Floria Sigismondi, The Runaways, the true story of rock’s first successful all-girl band (pre-70’s), is a nimble romp through the early days of the genre-busting group. Based in part on the book by former lead singer Cherie Currie, The Runaways is not The Doors with lipstick. Instead it comes off as The Doors as if made by Lifetime. I assumed if there was a movie made about a famous rock band there would be an interesting tale to tell. Rock and roll, right?! Kind of. It all felt very simple to me – like an easy math problem: Desire + Luck = Famous. It isn’t that easy of course or I would be writing for Judd Apatow. My point is the success felt a little too pat for my tastes. But I do remember those days – if vaguely…

I was only 7 or so when heard ‘I Love Rock N Roll’ by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts for the first time. I can remember my older brother making me get up and flip the records back then – his mumbled threats of ‘beating my ass if I didn’t’ so real to me my knuckles would crack I would be flipping so fast. But man she could rock. It was, along with Centerfold by The J Geils band – one of my early favorites. Her videos slammed into my cortex like an 8 ball of grape Pixy Stix (see for yourself). Something about her struck a nerve with me – the dark hair, smoky eyes, fu attitude – it was quite a package. And I was only 7!

Way before girls would become an overwhelming, thought-obliterating tri-breasted (thanks Total Recall) monster in my life – there was Joan Jett (and Wonder Woman. I’ve been told, again, that there isn’t room in my reviews for any of my classic Wonder Woman fan fiction (still waiting for a valid reason why Eddie V) so I will instead make clever use of WordPress and hide a link to my WW erotica somewhere in the review of this watered down, still enjoyable movie). Regrettably, for the next 28 years or so, I would hear ‘Joan Jett’ and only think of I Love Rock N Roll, Crimson and Clover and my brother punching me. Her past rock life was as unknown to me as Divx is to our beloved Apple TVs. But no more – and I am not talking about XMBC.

15 year old (!) Joan Jett (Kristen Stewart) runs into a mental record producer, Kim Fowley (Michael Shannon) and he takes a bit of a shine to her. Flash forward about a second and they are trolling the teen hangouts/bars for other bandmates. Enter Cherie Currie played by Dakota Fanning. Fast forward another few seconds and they are touring Japan as a one of the biggest acts around. Wha-?

The Runaways is over before you know it and not because of losing track of time in the sumptuous story telling. A tidy 85 minutes in and then a rushed and somewhat confusing 5 minute final act swiftly brings this piece of rock candy fluff to an end. Alas, what could have been. 2 ½ stars*.

*I know, I know. ‘Half star? But you promised! And there aren’t any unicorns!’ Calm down. Watch this movie and tell me the performances of Dakota Fanning and Michael Shannon don’t warrant the unusual inclusion of the ½ star.

This Date Night is a textbook descent into ‘good concept, poor execution SNL skit-town’ and Mango is the mayor.

Quite the opening line, huh? I’m trying something new here – a quick tag line to give you the gist of it. What’s the extended gist? We have two of the funniest people on television right now in Steve Carell and Tina Fey. Am I sure they’re funny? You tell me: 7 Emmy’s  and a Kids Choice Award…all on Tina’s mantle. No matter! These people are hilarious and just because Steve Carell doesn’t have any of the 8 awards Tina throws in his face every Red Carpet, he is still very funny. Unfortunately the number 8 also totals the number of jokes that hit in this movie.

The story certainly starts off promising enough with a couple of exhausted parents, Phil and Claire, trying to find the energy to do the no-pants polka. Like any married couple sometimes the signals can get crossed and you end up blindfolded getting a prostate check by the Poland Springs guy while your wife tries to find the right microSD card for the Nikon…. I’ve heard that can happen. Other times you forget about your partners feelings, their needs or your safe word and you can lose touch.

A scheduled date night looms and they decide to do it up Buxton-style and go into the city and eat at an authentically overpriced Manhattan restaurant. Of course, there are no tables and with their marriage showing cracks, they decide to take the reservation of another couple who seem not to have shown. As The Cars famously stated: Let the good times roll! That is until the local crime boss sends some thugs over to the restaurant to grab the people whom Phil and Claire are pretending to be. Shenanigans firmly established, the movie then rockets off into setup after setup – with some funny characters and amusing moments.

Considering the pedigrees of the stars in this film I was surprised at how tame it all seemed. I wondered if the script was brutal to begin with and they expected Fey and Carrel to Second City their way out of bad dialogue. Luckily, and this comment might bring down the entire internet – Mark Wahlberg saves the film.

Everyone still here? OK, good. I mean it. His shirtless badass is a breath of fresh air in this movie and about the only thing that rings true. His scenes with Phil and Claire are pretty funny and almost make the film. He oozes sexuality (my wife added that line – she edits me) and apparently fell into a vat of olive oil before each take. He is so shiny! He plays a very central and integral role and I wouldn’t want to spoil it much beyond what the trailer showed you.

This review has been hard for me. There are definitely some funny moments but in reading back my review it seems like I didn’t like it at all. I think I just had overly high expectations for them teaming up. Kind of like the movie Heat with Pacino and De Niro. I couldn’t wait for them to share a screen and when they did I was left unfulfilled.

Will you laugh? Yes. Are there some memorable moments? Yes. Highlights include any scene with Mark Wahlberg, the strip club absurdity and the blooper enhanced credits. It’s just OK and I say that from a place of love. 2 stars.

Have you ever felt alone? Do you read comic books and make teenage girls uncomfortable? Have you ever felt that there was more to this life than just awkwardness and loneliness? Are you aware of the world record for number of questions to open a movie review? Have you ever wanted to be a superhero?

Based on the comic book by Mark Millar, KICK-ASS tells the origin story of Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) who decides that he’s had enough of his current, stale living situation. What makes it stale? He spends his days masturbating to National Geographics and his English teacher’s unrestrained middle-aged bombs. When not eating dinner in silence with his Dad, he goes to the comic book store with his two nerd friends – one of whom is the up-and-coming Clarke Duncan from Sex Drive and Hot Tub Time Machine. He wonders aloud why the role of superhero has not been filled by anyone in real life. His friends laugh at him and tell him he’s crazy – that anyone who tried it would be dead before the end of the day. Dave doesn’t think so. Dave thinks it’s time for a hero that people can believe in. Dave has an Amazon Prime account and a lust for green neoprene scuba suits. And so we begin.

Watching Dave in disguise as KICK-ASS as he comes upon his first group of ruffians is exhilarating. You can feel the adrenaline coursing through his body as he enters the fray. Hell, I had the same 6-pack of 5-Hour Energy feeling just watching him prepare for battle. Haven’t we all had this fantasy of being a superhero and curb-stomping our way through the crime-ridden areas of our cities? It would be so freaking GREAT! This movie pumps you up and then makes you want to get up and punch a politician.

Meanwhile, Dave’s heroic battle is caught on video and uploaded to YouTube. A phenomenon is born not seen since that kid who was on meth after his dentist appointment. People are excited, people are talking, and people are inspired. Suddenly the criminals of the city have other superheroes to worry about: Big Daddy and Hit Girl. Big Daddy is Batman with a hangover and early onset dementia played wonderfully by a suddenly resurgent Nick Cage. He has been picking the right roles lately. Hit Girl… needs her own paragraph.

Hit Girl is an 11 year old, dockside sailor-mouthed killing machine who would give Jet Li a run for his money. A one-girl death squad with a Hello Kitty backpack stuffed with guns and knives, she piles up bodies like a snowplow. She can take a beating also – which admittedly was a little uncomfortable to watch. She is a great character and I would love to see more of her.

Is there a bad guy in this film? Sure, but who cares? This movie is a vehicle for kids to KICK-ASS and KICK-ASS they do. KICK-ASS has a frenetic pace, a stylish look, bawdy dialogue, some great casting choices and is topped by a great soundtrack. Kill Bill with kids describes this film to a large degree. And that is a good thing. You should have a great time during this movie as you discover what it’s like to be a superhero. Does this green scuba suit make me look fat? 3 stars.

If you’ve read any of my older reviews, and let’s not kid ourselves – you haven’t, you know that I have a love of gods, monsters, magic and mythology. Clash of the Titans mostly delivers on the promise of gods fighting humans for control of the world. Toss in a few monsters and this Daddy likey.

Clash of the Titans tells the story of a young man, Perseus, who is wronged by the gods and seeks his revenge. Our protagonist faces many trials along the way, including giant scorpions, a creature from the black lagoon and lest we forget, Medusa, the original stone cold killer (Ed’s note: weak pun)?

If you remember the original Clash of the Titans, there are some changes made in this film, but not enough to have you run screaming from the theater or find it unrecognizable. Some of the roles are reduced from the first film and, sadly, there is little to no fan service to those who grew up on the campy 80s flick (there is one brief, albeit notable exception). Perseus, played by Avatar’s Sam Worthington, is less likeable and more angst ridden than Harry Hamlin’s silky-coifed original. Maybe the fun-loving 80s had something to do with lending a lighter tone to the original, but everyone seems angrier in the new version.

But let’s be honest, the story is really just an excuse to have mortals battling giant mythological beasts and minions from the underworld. Stripped of any other reason for existing, the story achieves its goals on this score. The characters dutifully go from set to set, fighting to the death in glorious, poorly choreographed and blurry action sequences. Admittedly, there are still awe-inspiring moments, such as when the Kraken explodes forth from the boiling sea to take on the townspeople or a bow-slung Medusa slithers among the ruins.

Acting standouts include Liam Neeson as Zeus and Jason Flemyng as Calibos. For reasons known only to the scriptwriters, the rest of the gods are set dressing only – inexplicably including Poseidon. Of some note is the part played by Gemma Arterton as Andromeda. Unfortunately this character was transformed so much from the origin role that I was distracted when she was onscreen. For some reason Andromeda was changed from a motherly, somewhat fierce god to a bombshell who wants to create lots of little demigods with Perseus.

For an early spring/summer blockbuster, this rebooted Clash of the Titans delivers on over-the-top action and excitement. At its best, this popcorn movie is semi-enjoyable throughout, but feels like it was born without a soul. Don’t expect the mind-blowing movie-making levels of a film like Inception, and you may even enjoy this new Clash. 2 stars

Cop Out stars Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan as two cops who unravel a moronic mystery served up by an anemic villain born from Rosie O’Donnell and Tony Borowiak of All-4-One fame (‘I Swear’ – you know you remember). Sean William Scott stole the trailer and continued on to steal the movie as his character is pretty amusing. The rest of the cast bears no mention and reminded me of the roster of the Cleveland Cavs when LeBron still fake-cared: Money for one star and 10 guys from the Y fill out the rest. I would bet they wanted Eddie Murphy but couldn’t afford him. And yes I know Eddie is box office death but this movie would have been perfect for him. They even tried ripping off the great Beverly Hills Cop theme ‘Axel F’ by Harold Faltermeyer. Unreal.

The movie zooms along frenetically from plot point to plot point, ham fistedly throwing story arcs around like batarangs. They try very hard to fill your mind with subplots so that you don’t focus on the fact that one of the cops is mentally handicapped.

Plotlines aside, the movie is still terrible. It seems the directors main job was to give Tracy Morgan a face full of meth-laced blow before every scene and watch him scream his lines. Even with the meth I still think it was only a fraction of the ratass crazy swirling around his dome. Unleashing the full force of Tracy Morgan might end the world. I think the Mayans had it right and the end of the world is coming on December 21 2012 when they release Cop Out Deux.

Cop Out is one of the worst movies I’ve seen since last week. There – I said it. No preamble. No waxing lyrical about anything. The extended skit is brutally bad and an insult to Bruce Willis and his tough guy legacy. The movie spreads the chuckles out like a one legged hobo at a candy convention. It has been done better – much better – in many other films. Look for Midnight Run, Lethal Weapon, Hot Fuzz et all.

Get ready for more because it is one of the first of an inevitable avalanche of buddy cop movies coming out over the next few years. They mixed it up with a little chocolate in the vanilla pudding but a mentally ill Tracy Morgan can’t save an inept Bruce Willis. Bruce should stick to Die Hard and The Whole Nine yards threequels. 1 star.

Below is a list of all of the new movies added today to the iTunes Movie Store today. This list does not include any movies which may have jumped from purchase only to rental, or SD to HD. And don’t forget to learn more about these newly added titles head over to Cinemira.

Puppet Master: Axis of Evil (Pre-Order)
Slayer (2006) (SD Rental & Purchase)
NHL Stanley Cup Champions 2004: Tampa Bay Lightning (Purchase)
Ca$h (SD Rental & Purchase) (Apple TV & iPad HD Rental)
Emmanuel Jal: War Child (SD Rental & Purchase)
Ip Man (Pre-Order)
You’re So Cupid (Pre-Order)
Stacy’s Mom (SD Rental & Purchase) (Apple TV & iPad HD Rental)
Sesame Street: Three Bears and a New Baby (Purchase)
Loco Love (SD Rental & Purchase)
Nightmares in Red, White and Blue (SD Rental & Purchase) (Apple TV & iPad HD Rental)
The Last Song (Pre-Order)
A Star Is Born (1954) (SD Rental) (Apple TV & iPad HD Rental)
Unstrung (SD Rental & Purchase)
NHL Stanley Cup Champions 2007: Anaheim Ducks (Purchase)
Jim Henson’s Animal Show With Stinky and Jake: Lions, Tigers & Bears (SD Rental & Purchase)
The Truth (SD Rental & Purchase) (Apple TV & iPad HD Rental)
NHL Stanley Cup Champions 2008-2009: Pittsburgh Penguins (Purchase)

Head over to Cinemira to learn more about these just added titles.

Below is a list of all of the new movies added today to the iTunes Movie Store today. This list does not include any movies which may have jumped from purchase only to rental, or SD to HD. And don’t forget to learn more about these newly added titles head over to Cinemira.

Steve Byrne: The Byrne Identity (Pre-Order)
Take the Lead (2006) (SD Rental & Purchase) (Apple TV & iPad HD Rental)
Jesse Stone: No Remorse (Pre-Order)
Shadow Government (Purchase)
NHL Stanley Cup Champions 2008: Detroit Red Wings (Purchase)
Gay Sex in the ’70s (SD Rental & Purchase)
Shaolin Ulysses: Kungfu Monks In America (SD Rental & Purchase)
Birdwatchers (SD Rental & Purchase) (Apple TV & iPad HD Rental)
Lemon Tree (SD Rental & Purchase) (Apple TV & iPad HD Rental)
Beyond Rangoon (SD Rental & Purchase)
Classic Albums: Black Sabbath – Paranoid (SD Rental & Purchase) (Apple TV & iPad HD Rental)
NHL Stanley Cup Champions 2003: New Jersey Devils (Purchase)
A Prophet (Un prophète) (Pre-Order)
The Polo Kid (SD Rental & Purchase) (HD Purchase)

Head over to Cinemira to learn more about these just added titles.

I’m going to try something a little bit new today. Below is a list of all of the new movies added today to the iTunes Movie Store today. This list does not include any movies which may have jumped from purchase only to rental, or SD to HD. And don’t forget to learn more about these newly added titles head over to Cinemira.

Trunk (Purchase)
RUF 992M (Purchase)
Aquarium (Purchase)
The Spot (Purchase)
The Crimson Mask (SD Rental & Purchase) (Apple TV & iPad HD Rental)
The One Last Time (Purchase)
Stealing Home (SD Rental & Purchase) (Apple TV & iPad HD Rental)
Withnail and I (Pre-Order)
The Three Musketeers (1948) (SD Rental & Purchase)
One Careful Owner (Purchase)
Cinco de Mayo (Purchase)
Hooded (Purchase)
David & Goliath (2005) (SD Rental & Purchase)
The Builder (Pre-Order)
Mona Lisa (1986) (Pre-Order)
The Sacrifice (Purchase)
Just Another Day (2010) (Pre-Order)
Spirit of the Fox (Purchase)
Transaction (Purchase)
Veils (Purchase)
Mr. Baseball (SD Rental & Purchase) (Apple TV & iPad HD Rental)
Pornography: A Thriller (SD Rental & Purchase) (iTunes HD Rental)
I’m Losing You (SD Rental & Purchase)

Head over to Cinemira to learn more about these just added titles.

This is usually the time of summer where we have a time period of completely b-movie or older catalog titles added to the Apple Movie Store. The movie studios would rather have you spend your hard earned dollars on all the overpriced summer 3-D conversions in the theaters. I’ll let you all be the judge for yourselves so head on over to Cinemira and take a peek at the total averageness.

Below is a list of just some of the movies added today, or newly available in HD, to the iTunes Movie Store. For a complete list head over to Cinemira now.

The Bounty Hunter (2010) (iTunes Extras) (Also available in HD on the iPad and Apple TV)
The Runaways (iTunes Purchase)
Our Family Wedding (Also available in HD on the iPad and Apple TV)

… and more »

Below is a list of just some of the movies added over the last few days, or newly available in HD, to the iTunes Movie Store. For a complete list head over to Cinemira now.

Kick-Ass (Pre-Order)
Predator 2 (Apple TV & iPad HD)

… and more »

Below is a list of just some of the movies added today, or newly available in HD, to the iTunes Movie Store. For a complete list head over to Cinemira now.

Superman/Batman: Apocalypse (Pre-Order)
Batman: Under the Red Hood (Pre-Order)
Gojira (a.k.a Godzilla) (SD Purchase)

… and more »

Peter Jackson – living legend. Middle Earth Grand Master (take that Arthur Rankin)!

The world absolutely loved the Lord of the Rings trilogy so I had high hopes that he could direct another blockbuster. The title was odd and something I didn’t remember from Tolkien’s work but I have a life, am I right? Anyway, when I first heard about this movie I ran out and purchased a large box of adult orangutan diapers. Peter Jackson and the Olympians: The Lighting Thief would be his triumphant return to the fantasy world he so obviously crawled out of. I knew that I needed to be first in line at the theater, probably 2-3 weeks early, and I wanted to be prepared for the inevitable situations that would arise. To my surprise, I didn’t have to worry about a line forming for the movie in the weeks before so I had stopped sleeping out in front of the theater. I continued to wear the diapers as I found them surprisingly absorbent.

My anticipation levels reached a fever pitch the day it opened. When I stopped by Lenscrafters for my new glasses I eagerly chatted up my eye care specialist, Xtin’a. He claimed to have read the book but kept going on about Zeus, Poseidon and the rest of the Greek gods. He went on and on about a boy who discovers he is part of an ancient family, humans and gods getting it on (backstory only), transforming pen-swords and friendship unsullied by blood, hell or Medusa.

It sounded like a ripping good time to be had for $10 even if Xtin’a was wrong about the plot. I love stories about the Greek gods and being directed by Peter Jackson was the icing on the lembas (look it up).He was obviously lying and hadn’t read the book so I complimented him on his bedazzled eye-patch and left for the theater.

And then I put on my new glasses. Percy Jackson, not Peter Jackson. And judging by my lopsided sideburns the old prescription had other unintended consequences. Color me embarrassed.

Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief is a pretty good movie based on a pretty good set of books. The action is fast paced with some great sets and scary monsters. While not in the same realm as Harry Potter, I daresay I enjoyed it more than any of the Narnia films.  I highly recommend the books and if we’re both lucky you may find yourself branching out into other areas of myth and legend. As for the movie itself, I am obliged to give it a wistful 2.5 stars.

Below is a list of just some of the movies added today, or newly available in HD, to the iTunes Movie Store. For a complete list head over to Cinemira now.

Brooklyn’s Finest (iTunes Purchase)
A Single Man (2009) (iTunes Purchase)

… and more »

In the spirit of the 80’s theme of the movie this will be an interactive, choose-your-own-adventure type of review. I think this movie will benefit from this approach due to the 80’s cultural references so let’s begin:

1. Did you live in the 80’s between the ages of 12 and 20?

Yes? Go to #2. No? Go to #12.

2. Do you like inexplicable nudity on hot women?

Yes? Go to #7. No? Really? OK, well…Go to #12.

3. Do you like 80’s music, ‘cause the film is full of hot hair bands?

Yes? Go to #4. No? Go to #12.

4. Can you appreciate the finer points of Rob Cordry, who steals the film?

Yes? Go to #6. No? Go to #12.

5. Do you mind the science of time travel being delivered by a wasted Chevy Chase?

Yes? Go to #8. No? Go to #12.

6. Did you like The Wedding Singer?

Yes? Go to #5. No? Go to #12.

7. Is this funny line funny to you? ‘I’ve had, like, two wine kills, Captain Buzzcooler.’

Yes? Go to #3. No? Go to #12.

8. Do you love running gags throughout a movie that might involve Back to the Future and dismemberment?

Yes? Go to #9  No? Go to #12.

9. Do you like Jon and Kate plus Eight?

Just wondering. Go to the next question. Or click here.

10. Do you like prank phone calls with hilarious consequences?

Yes? Go to #11. No? Go to #12.

11. Buy or rent this film even if you can’t answer #1 in the affirmative. I saw it with a mixed group and we all loved it. Other people I know had trouble with all the 80’s references but there is still comedy to be found here regardless of your age. It is hilarious. There are many quotable lines that you will be using over and over again. John Cusack has some good lines but this is Rob Cordry’s film from the moment he rocks out in his garage. There is also a sequel already laid out if you listen closely to some past trip they took. Watch this with some friends and you won’t be disappointed. Three stars.

12. You’re dead inside. Go to 10.

Below is a list of just some of the movies added today, or newly available in HD, to the iTunes Movie Store. For a complete list head over to Cinemira now.

Hot Tub Time Machine (Unrated) (iTunes HD Rental)
Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010) (Also Available In HD on iPad and Apple TV) (iTunes Extras)

… and more »

Below is a list of just some of the movies added today, or newly available in HD, to the iTunes Movie Store. For a complete list head over to Cinemira now.

Green Zone (iTunes Extras) (Also Available In HD on iPad and Apple TV)
Stone in Exile (iTunes Rental or Purchase)
She’s Out of My League (Also Available In HD on iPad and Apple TV)
Day & Night (iTunes Purchase)
Date Night (Pre-Order)

… and more »

For those visiting Cinemira today and not seeing any new movies in the right hand column, don’t worry, Cinemira isn’t broken again. As far as we can tell there just haven’t been any new additions for the last few days. We’ll keep watching to make sure nothing changes throughout the day, but for now, there’s nothing new to see here…. move along, move along.

Below is a list of just some of the movies added today, or newly available in HD, to the iTunes Movie Store. For a complete list head over to Cinemira now.

Hoffa (Tunes HD Rental)
Broadcast News (Tunes HD Rental)
Speed 2: Cruise Control News (Tunes HD Rental)

… and more »