My name is Evan Buxton and I shall be your movie reviewer. You can trust 50.4% of what I tell you. The other 50.6% is only partly true. When I’m not figuring out difficult percentages I write movie reviews.
Crazy Heart stars a low-key Jeff Bridges strumming and squinting his way through existence as a quasi-famous blues musician. He travels the road from dust bowl to dust bowl, quaffing booze, bedding rum soaked grandmothers (except the smoke show in Albuquerque) and generally just barely getting by. He is basically Mickey Rourke from The Wrestler with a guitar instead of wristbands loaded with razorblades. He has that same grim determination, driving city to city, delivering what the fans want, what they are demanding from him – even as it is slowly killing him.
During the opening scenes we see him singing on stage and working the crowds and it is obvious the man still has talent – but the booze has a velvety grip on him. His words are slurred, he has trouble walking and he is barely keeping it together. He will always remember the fans, however, both names and favorite songs. The man is a true professional.
At one of his ‘tour’ stops he is asked to help out and give his piano player’s niece an interview. Enter Maggie Gyllenhaal! This weird little chick has a sensuality that cannot be explained. I would not be surprised if she is a vampire or a Libertarian. There is no other way to explain her effect onscreen. For being so numbingly plain she certainly can make broad and bony shoulders seem naughty.
Cue forbidden love affair (forbidden because she looks 25 and he looks 65), Hollywood-style, saw-it-coming-from-a-mile-away third act drama and what do you have? A movie missing one thing: Colin Farrell.
Well, Britney – your prayers have been answered. Colin Farrell is in the movie and does a good job for a formerly washed up actor. Keep in mind that Eddie Murphy still holds the title for James ‘Thunder’ Early in Dreamgirls. And bonus points for the nickname.
The last 1/3 of the movie drags a little bit for me but it all gets wrapped up in a nice little bow. Keep in mind I have skipped major portions like his sex change etc – just kidding.
Survey Says – 3 stars
See this movie, buy the soundtrack and get some bleach to wash the image of Maggie and Jeff spooning out of your eyes.
Note: The above mentioned percentage total of 101% was intentionally incorrect.
